


The Accidental Widower

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, F/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 11:17:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2426768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, he was untouchable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Accidental Widower

**Author's Note:**

> I call this an AU because it takes place well into the future from where the show is now.

Emily tapped on the door of the study before walking in.She looked at her husband, reading over a large case file and held in her sigh.She thought this was over.

 

“It’s getting late so I came down to check on you.Hotch?Aaron?”

 

“Hmm?” he looked up, rubbing his blurry eyes.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Looking at a case file.”

 

“I didn’t know you were working on a new case.”

 

Hotch read her face loud and clear.It said, ‘ _lie to me and we have a serious problem_ ’.He sighed.

 

“Its Haley’s case file.”

 

“You need to come to bed.” Emily said.

 

“Something is missing.”

 

“I would think you had it memorized by now.You’ve gone over and over it for months.”

 

“Something is missing.” Hotch repeated.

 

“Like what?Not only did the Baltimore Police do a thorough investigation, the US Coast Guard investigated separately.It was an accident.”

 

“She had a skull fracture.” He turned pages frantically.

 

“She hit her head while falling.”

 

“I don’t think they asked Steve enough pertinent questions.”

 

“What were they supposed to ask him?” Emily asked.“He was asleep when the accident happened.Haley’s blood alcohol level was twice the legal limit and there was a significant amount of water in her lungs. She drowned in the Harbor.Steve was dry as a bone when Harbor police boarded the boat, fifteen minutes after he reported Haley missing.They went out for a cruise with friends and a tragedy took place.No matter how many times you reread those words they are not going to become something else.”

 

“You don’t understand.” Hotch said dismissively.

 

“I don’t…OK Aaron.I don’t understand the pain of losing someone close to me.I forgot that you must hold the key to all pain and loss.”

 

“All they need to do is look a little deeper.Its right in front of them…they just need to look.”

 

“Listen to yourself; you sound certifiable.Do you realize what this behavior is doing to your family?For the past six months you have been on some kind of blind mission; everything has taken a backseat to this case.If you don’t give a damn about Bree and I, fine, but what about Jack?”

 

“Jack is fine.”

 

“You have no idea what is happening to us.That little boy cries himself to sleep almost every night.He has nightmares that he is drowning, Hotch.The day before yesterday he came to me and asked how can he believe that God is good like they tell him in Sunday school when God took his mom away.I don’t know what to tell him…he is hurting and he needs you.”

 

“The best way for me to be there for him right now is to find out what happened to her.”

 

“She died in an accident!” Emily exclaimed.

 

“I think this case file says otherwise.”

 

“I don’t know what else to do.Jack needs closure; everyone needs it.How long are you going to pick at this wound?You have to let go and start the process of moving on.”

 

“Not yet.”

 

“Aaron…”

 

“You don’t understand what I'm going through!” He shouted, banging his fist on the desktop.“She is my wife!”

 

Emily stopped moving; she stopped breathing.The silence rang in her ears just as his booming voice had seconds before.

 

“Emily…”

 

“Don’t,” she held up both of her hands.“I think you’ve said enough.I don’t have the strength to fight with you tonight.I'm going to bed; you can stay here and do what you need to do.Aaron, I mean it when I say stay down here…I do not want you in my bed tonight.”

 

“Baby…”

 

Emily’s smile was sad; she willed the tears to stay back until her eyes were on fire.She turned her back and walked out of the room.Hotch rested his forehead on the desk, blowing out a deep breath.Shoving the case file off the desk, the veteran FBI Agent let out a growl of frustration.H could not stop thinking about it, waking and sleeping.Haley was his sole focus for the past six months, since Meg’s frantic phone call.

 

He owed it to her.Maybe if he found out exactly what happened to her he could make up for being a bad husband.Work could come second; family could come second…for once Haley would come first.Except she was gone.She died but Jack was still there, mourning, questioning and wondering.His eyes were the same hazel as his mother’s; Hotch found it difficult to look at his own son.He instead retreated into a world that never failed him.As Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, he was untouchable.

 

Sighing, Hotch picked up the phone and dialed ten digits.

 

“Hello.”

 

“It’s rather late, did I wake you?”

 

“Aaron?”

 

“Yeah Meg, did I wake you?”

 

“No.Sleep doesn’t come easy these days.Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah.” He lied.“How are you?”

 

“Getting along.I started talking to someone Aaron; it’s been better since then.Not easy by any stretch but better.Have you considered talking to someone?”

 

“I'm fine.I was concerned about you.I know your son is far away in Helena and you have been getting by alone.If you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to call on Emily and I.No matter what, you are family.”

 

“You’ve always been such a good guy.I want to go away for a little while; you know my sister Alice has a house in Cape May.Do you think I can take Jack with me…we could both use the time away.”

 

“Of course.I will talk to him about it tomorrow.You should try and get some sleep…I shouldn’t have called so late.”

 

“It’s alright Aaron.I appreciate your checking up on me.”

 

“We’re always a phone call away.”

 

“I know.Goodnight.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

Hotch hung up the phone, looking down at the scattered paperwork and crime scene photos.He needed to pick them up; he needed to put them away.Letting go would be hard, it might be impossible, but he needed to try.He had to for Jack, Emily, and Sabrina.He had to for his sanity.

 

Slipping everything back into the file marked Haley Pemberton; Hotch placed it in the drawer.One more time he would go over it tomorrow and then allow them finally to close the case.Accidents happened, they even happened to people you used to love.His life with Haley was over and it had been for some time.He needed to go upstairs and fix the fractures in his present life, his future life.

 

***

 

Hotch slept on the couch in the den for a few hours.Actually, he tossed and turned on the couch.Bouts of fitful sleep occasionally interrupted the tossing.He saw Haley so much in his dreams lately…tonight he let go of her hand when she asked him to.It was almost sunrise when he made his way upstairs.

 

He checked on eight-year-old Jack first.He looked to be sound asleep and his father was surprised to see him clutching Constable Bear.Once a staple in his life, Jack gave him up a few weeks before his mother died declaring himself to old to sleep with toys.Hotch told him once that the bear kept the monsters away.He could only pray it was doing that tonight.

 

Next was three-year-old Sabrina’s room.She looked just like her mother in a deep sleep, lying on her stomach with her raven hair covering her face.Her doll companion was Ninotchka, brought straight from Moscow by her maternal grandmother.She and Ninny, as she called her, were inseparable.Hotch turned up the thermostat on her wall, the room was too chilly.He pulled the Strawberry Shortcake sheets tighter around her before brushing hair away from her face.Sabrina stirred but did not wake.

 

Hotch did not want to go into the master bedroom.Well he did, more than anything, but he was scared.He could not get the look on Emily’s face out of his mind.He hurt her and had no idea how to make it better.Her back was to the door when Hotch opened it.He slipped out of his slacks and tee shirt before climbing between the sheets.His arms moved around her; Hotch pulled her body to his.

 

“I'm sorry.Baby, I am so sorry.Everything has been upside down for too long and I’m to blame.”

 

“Sorry isn’t good enough.” Emily replied.“I told you not to come up here.”

 

“Emily…please.”

 

“I finally stopped.I looked over one day and you were there, just as you said you would be.OK, your hair wasn’t white but you were there and we were happy.”

 

“We’re still happy baby.I made some mistakes, let me fix them.”

 

Emily shook her head, extracting herself from his embrace.Hotch felt the cold breeze as he folded his arms across his chest.He turned on his back, staring up at the ceiling fan.

 

“I thought if I could find out what really happened to Haley, I could make up for what happened to our marriage.I thought I owed her that much.I couldn’t…if I couldn’t fix it then it was just over.I never meant to forget about my family.Jack is hurting and I haven’t been there for him.I left you out there to handle everything when we should have shared responsibilities.I don’t know how many different ways I can ask for forgiveness but I will go through them all.You mean everything to me…God forgive me for forgetting even for an instant.”

 

“You don’t have the power to fix everything.” Emily whispered, her back still to him.

 

“Sometimes I forget that.Please forgive me.”

 

“I cannot compete with a dead woman.”

 

“There is no competition.I've loved you for so long; I will always love you.”

 

“I love you too, Aaron.”

 

“Then look at me, baby.”

 

She shook her head.Taking a deep breath, Hotch once again spooned behind her.Emily didn’t try to fight him; in fact, she clutched his hands in hers.

 

“When were you going to tell me you were pregnant, Em?” he gently kissed the nape of her neck.

 

“Tomorrow.Things were going smoother and I thought the news would make them even better.We were supposed to make love tonight, and tomorrow morning, and I was going to tell you while you still had that look on your face.I haven't seen that look in so long Aaron.You're not even in the room when you make love to me.”

 

“It ends tonight.” He replied, his hand slipping under her tank top.“I'm having the case closed in the morning.”

 

“I don’t know if I believe you.”

 

“I don’t deserve your trust but I'm asking for it.I need it; I need you Emily.Just…please.” Hotch’s voice cracked.

 

Emily finally nodded.She exhaled, the tidal wave of emotion overtaking her.It was about the millionth time in the past six months that she cried.Her husband’s body shook against hers.He tried to hold back but Emily heard him sobbing.She turned in his arms; they clung to each other and waited for the hurricane to pass.Hotch needed this.Emily did not want to belittle what she went through but in six months, he had not shed a single tear.All of it bottled up inside of him as he attempted to “fix” things.

 

“Oh honey,” Emily stroked his back.“Let it out…let go.”

 

Hotch held her tighter, the agony draining from his body and dissipating in the air above them.

 

“This should be a happy time for us.” he said sometime later.Sunrise was nearly complete but Hotch was exhausted.“How far along are you?”

 

“Four months; I’ll be showing any day now.I thought the stress of everything going on was why I missed two cycles.JJ dragged me into her office and handed me a stick.I was mortified.”

 

“When?”

 

“Three weeks ago.I have been afraid to tell you.”

 

“You never have to be afraid of me, Emily.That’s never been how our relationship worked.”

 

“For a while, I didn’t think our relationship was working at all.”

 

“Where do we go from here?” he asked, kissing her forehead.

 

“Sleep…I'm exhausted.”

 

“I meant…”

 

“I know what you meant, Aaron.Actions speak louder than words, remember?Isn’t that what you always say?” She cuddled in her husband’s arms, content in the warmth and comfort she found there.The barrier between them was gone; Emily could once again feel his skin speaking to hers.

 

“I am never, ever going to forget again.I love you and we deserve to celebrate this happy news.”

 

Emily nodded, unsure of bringing another child into this maelstrom.They had five months to turn the world right side up again.She pushed away the nagging voice in her head telling her that the Hotchners were at the end of their journey.She could not let her doubts get the best of her; she beat them back once.Emily had to get a grip and since she could not get one on herself, she got one on her husband instead.

 

***

  
 

  


  
  
 


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